Feeling Guilty?

In a nutshell, this is what causes disappointment - when you regret something, you are feeling guilty. And this guilty feeling has eaten so much of me that whenever I sit to do something, I feel guilty of the possibility of not doing it properly, guilty of not having done some other things, guilty of this confusion - quite an amount!!

Somebody has made an attempt to tackle this guilty feeling. It basically starts with all the symptoms that I have got:

Have you recently felt guilty for something you didn’t do? Guilty for not replying to emails? Guilty for not reaching all your goals for the day? Guilty for having spent hours browsing the web aimlessly and not having enough time to do something important? Guilty for telling someone you’d call, but never returning the call? Do you beat yourself up for it?

What happens with this guilty feeling:

Thoughts like these have the power to bring you down. They carry an energy that weighs down on your mind, because part of you is constantly thinking about it. The guilt begins popping up in everything you do.

The author observes the nature of the guilt:

Self Inflicted - All guilt is self-inflicted and created by the mind.
Open Issue - Guilt is often caused by open issues that were not addressed.
Feeling of Debt - Often times, we feel guilty out of a debt in our lives. Whether it’s social debt, monetary debt, or unfulfilled responsibilities.
More Beneath the Surface - The perceived problem causing the guilt is just on the surface. Typically, there are unresolved issues or other meaning beneath what we see on the surface.

And proposes some ways of dealing with guilt:

Fully Experiencing the Feeling - As with overcoming any emotion, the best way is to fully experience the feeling. Spend a few minutes in uninterrupted space, close your eyes, now fully and deeply feel the guilt surge over you.
Seek to Understand Why
Focus on What You Can Do Now - Focus on things you can do now, instead of things you have not done.
Brainstorm Action Items - What are some tasks you can do to remove this feeling of guilt? Write them down.
Prioritize - Once you have your list of action items, prioritize them in order of importance. What will cause the greatest relief of your pain?
Planning and Scheduling - Once you have your list of action items prioritized, schedule them into your calendar. Plan to tackle each one of these items, with the high priority tasks first.
Be Realistic - Realize that you only have a set amount of time each day. Be realistic with what you plan to get done. Please be gentle with yourself.

Then the author finally proposes a 6-step action plan for dealing with guilt (I am writing everything down here for my reference):

1. Create your guilt list: List out all the things you feel guilty about. Keep writing until you run out of guilt-related thoughts. Do not edit your thoughts. Write down whatever comes to mind. By having them laid out on paper, we can see them clearly, and come face-to-face with our self-inflicted guilt thoughts.
2. Brainstorm your guilt battle plan: For each guilt, ask yourself, “What can I do about it?” Describe the actions that you can take to eliminate or reduce this guilt. You might have to break the actions into smaller steps. If you’ve tried, but can’t find a resolving action, then list out positive and realistic statements to reason with this guilt. (Especially for the things that are in the past, which cannot be changed)
3. Create your values list: List out things most important to you, starting from the most important. I used the term things broadly, which can be replaced with people, feelings, opportunities, actions, and commitments that you value.
4. Fuel your values: For each item you most value, list out action items you would like to do which contributes towards that item.
5. Create a guilt reduction action plan: Scan through the action items from both lists. You might find some common action items that exist from both lists. Write these action items out on a separate sheet of paper. These are the higher priority action items that will give you the biggest return for your time, since they contribute towards things most important to you as well.
6. Habituate these changes: Put a weekly schedule beside each item from step 5. Even if you don’t do follow it, this will create the space in your awareness which will allow positive change to happen. (Using outlook calendar to keep track of schedules is a very good thing)

And finally, the author essentially says what I have told in my previous post, but in a better way:

Regardless of what we think the external circumstances are, the real cause of guilt lies within ourselves. We have the power to choose what to focus our attention on, but we often react instinctively and forget to control our perspective. And in the reactive patterns, we unconsciously give attention to guilt and accidentally welcome it into our inner space.

It is possible to stop yourself in your reaction, and witness your inner space as you react. With practice and conscious awareness, it is possible to undo our conditioning for instant reaction, and eventually eliminate guilt completely.