I think...

I found one key reason for my disappointment, dissonance, depression etc. It is unnecessary, unwanted, meaningless, worthless thoughts, feelings and visualizations.

If such things are replaced by necessary, wanted, meaningful, worthy thoughts, feelings and visualizations, life would be more happy, fulfilling and thriving.

Keep this in your mind.

There are somethings

that I am not able to overcome or achieve:

• To plan things properly
• To venture into new things
• To manage my time and activities properly (related to the first one)

These things are there for a long time. How come I am going to transcend all of these?

OCD

is what I have. It is not depression. It looks like depression. It is not autism. It looks like autism. But in reality it is OCD. I need to be aware of this and control it myself. Because I know I can do this.

I Think

My current work is not so bad as I imagine. There are some good items worth working on. I just have to gather courage and move on.

If I assume that I am not going to move in another 5-6 months, then I will have to do my work faithfully, should not hate it and at the same time have an agenda for getting myself prepared well. That should be a solid unshakable agenda.

Anything can be done, but time should not be wasted.

I think there some kind of chicken and egg problem for me to break and move on. I envisage that I will change when I am in a new environment - new house, new city, new job, new friends etc. But To be in such a new environment, I first have to change myself. Then the current environment will also look new to me. I have to start changing. It is all in me.

I am in this environment for a reason. They are in such environments for a reason. Because we all deserve our respective environments. If we are better, we deserve better environments. If we demand more from ourselves, we get more. Otherwise, we will just be travelling along the direction of wind. There has to be a change. Change should come - in thoughts, in life style, in habits, in work, in mindset. Everything has to be new. But the new-ness should start from within. Then automatically new-ness will start without.

You need to have

that stubbornness to solve a problem at any given cost. This just can raise your level of thinking a lot - both emotionally and logically.

Vision

What do you want? Happiness. What keeps you happy? What makes you happy? My vision is pursuit of happiness. Short term happiness can be had, but not at the cost of long term happiness.

• A strong and healthy body makes me happy.
• Myself doing some research and hence contributing to the field of knowledge makes me happy.
• Playing a musical instrument makes me happy. Preferably saxophone or flute.
• Being a pucca engineer makes me happy. I strongly believe that engineering gives us a lot of values, skills and attitudes that help us a lot in leading our lives properly, efficiently and happily.
• Being a good critical thinker and be able to tackle complexity makes me happy.
• Being frank makes me happy.
• Being helping in nature to people makes me happy.
• Being emotionally stable makes me happy.
• Being fit(physically and mentally) enough to get a beautiful spouse makes me happy.
• Listening to some good songs makes me happy.
• Being able to make my mum happy makes me happy - to some extent.
• Being able to concentrate for long times makes me happy.
• Being able to read quite a few books makes me happy.
• Not getting addicted to Internet makes me happy.
• Being able to drive properly makes me happy.
• Exercising an open mind makes me happy in the long term - even though it results in stress/low esteem in the very short term.
• Getting things surrounding me organized makes me happy.
• Having a solid plan for execution makes me happy.
• Executing a solid plan with little deviations makes me happy - this is further testimonial for the engineering skills that gets developed in me.
• Eating healthy food and eating in a controlled fashion makes me happy.
• Not entertaining futile gestures and thoughts makes me happy afterwards.
• Working hard makes me happy in the long term, but definitely makes me sad in the short/immediate term.
• Being able to resist my temptations, through reasoning, from doing things that give short term happiness at the cost of long term happiness makes me happy.
• Being S.active makes me happier. :)
• Not getting afraid at the sight of new/challenging things makes me happy.
• Being a patient listener always makes me happy.

No Stupid Thoughts

No bullshit thoughts. Only vision oriented, goal oriented thoughts that to courageous and happy, humorous ones.

Just keep on rejecting futile gestures and futile thoughts from you and your mind will automatically become empty.